High
by Anonymaes
Summary: Her life was going down the same drain that she puked into. Sakura-centric, very slight ShikaSaku. Warning: character deaths.


_**Can't go home alone again**_

_**Need someone to numb the pain**_

_**Stayin' in my play pretend**_

_**Where the fun ain't got no end**_

_**You're gone and I gotta stay—**_

If she kept this up, she would be dead in no time.

_She should know better_, people said. _She was a medic, after all_.

_What a waste_, some would add. _She's throwing a perfectly good life._

It's going down the same drain that she pukes into almost every night.

This was some demotion, being Sakura's personal janitor. Not to clean her home, mind you. She hadn't been home in forever. She hadn't been to the hospital in a while, either. Shikamaru sighed as he muttered curses under his breath. Where would Sakura be, in a house like this, where every surface was currently occupied by trash and the hungover? He scratched his head, knowing if he called out her name, she wouldn't respond. She was, _at the very least_, just as bad as the people all over this house, if not worse (though the latter was the most likely, based on Shikamaru's experience).

Breathing in made his lungs burn. It smelled badly of alcohol, smoke, and piss, though there were other scents that were unfamiliar to Shikamaru mixed in. He passed by a kitchen area, where two men were collapsed over a counter, a pile of white power in between them.

Well, it wasn't a surprise that they weren't even trying to hide it.

He passed by (what Shikamaru guessed to be) the living room, where there seemed to be a higher concentration of nearly-dead (or, rather, _should be_ dead) bodies on the floor. What exactly happened in this house that this man people were like this? This was the first time he'd seen a house like this. Not the first time he'd been to a house on this often recurring errand, mind you, but certainly the first time that this many people still lingered after the party. It was nearing ten in the morning. Weren't people like this usually gone before dawn? As he continued to walk, someone touched his leg.

"Hitomi?" It was a man who touched his leg, his eyes fluttering open and shut. "I'm sorry." Shikamaru nearly tripped another man trying to get out of the first's clutch.

"Ten more minutes…"

The ground did not look all that comfortable. How were these people sleeping?

Shikamaru made his way up a flight of stairs. There were only people resting at the bottom steps, not at the top. In fact, there were no unconscious strangers on the upstairs floor at all.

He headed to the first open door he saw, taking a breath to ready himself for whatever sight he was going to see next.

There were nights when he found Sakura Haruno tangled with some stranger, their hands all over her or under her clothes, a glass of whatever in hand. It was at those times that Shikamaru would approach with caution, since he didn't want to incite the pink haired woman's famous fist of fury. Other times, usually on weekdays, when Shikamaru didn't think people would have gone out the night before, he would have to really look and ask around town for hints as to her location. Most times, she would be at someone's house or apartment, tangled up in sheets with a new face. Usually, she was clothed, and the few times she wasn't, Shikamaru would simply wake her up and remind her of her duties to the village.

This time, she was naked, once again tangled up in someone else's sheets, two others next to her. Another woman, and a man.

_I'm not even going to try to figure this one out_, Shikamaru thought to himself, feeling his face grow hot as he reached down to the floor to grab Sakura's clothes (which she always labeled with her name, even her underwear). Quietly, he reached over the man next to Sakura, shaking her shoulder. Light slipped through the cracks of the curtains, though the room was fairly dark, almost like it was only sunset and the day wasn't already beginning. This room reeked, and Shikamaru wasn't all to keen in finding out what it smelled of exactly.

"Sakura. Wake up. We have to go. You can't stay here today." Sakura was perfectly still, and her skin felt rather cold underneath Shikamaru's hand. _She _was_ still alive, right? _Shikamaru moved his fingers to the pulse on her neck and felt a wave of relief when he heard her groan. "Sakura…"

"Go away." She whimpered, shifting. "Need sleep." Her voice wavered when she spoke.

"Sakura, we have to go. Really. You should be using this time to rest. You need to go home." Honestly, why did Tsunade have to give her all this time off, anyway?

He immediately regretted his thought.

_If your entire team was wiped out in one night, including the love of your life, wouldn't you need time, too_?

It was an understanding that he had every time he did this, but there were times Shikamaru would forget.

Still, he wouldn't spend time meant for grieving like _this_.

Standing straight, Shikamaru headed to the foot of the bed. This was typical, if he found her in someone's bed. This was usually the part he hated most, because the first few times he did this, he received quite a kick in the face. Still, Shikamaru found Sakura's foot and pulled hard.

"C'mon. Out of bed."

Sakura woke just in time to clutch onto the sheets and be pulled onto the floor, landing with a thud.

No kick this time. Shikamaru thanked the gods.

"What the _hell_, Nara?!" Sakura shouted, covering herself with the sheet she had dragged off the bed with her. The other two on the bed groaned, shivering but not stirring. How they were still asleep, uncovered and nude (Shikamaru's eyes almost saw a lot he didn't want to on that bed, but he looked away before he could really be traumatized) was simply another mystery to add to Shikamaru's list. "Why are you here?!"

"To get you home." Sakura huffed, glaring at the Nara heir indignantly. "You can give me that look every time, you know, but I'm not going to stop doing this." Shikamaru held out his hand.

"You sure about that?" Sakura gave him a smirk. Shikamaru stared at her for a few moments. Even though her lipstick was smeared around her mouth, even though black lines ran down her face, even though her hair was a complete mess of tangles and knots, she was still beautiful. She hadn't smiled in a long time, he guessed this was the closest it could get, this expression that didn't belong on her face. She hadn't laughed since it all happened, either. Though, to be fair, Sakura had been through so much.

Sakura took his hand gingerly, letting him pull her up while holding the sheets close to her, covering her body. Once she was on her feet, Shikamaru handed Sakura her clothes, telling her that he was going to wait for her outside the room.

"How long are you going to keep doing this?" Sakura asked him when he turned his back on her.

Shikamaru shrugged. "Until you stop."

"Stop what?" Shikamaru lowered his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Until you stop playing this game."

_**High**_**.**

_**All the time. **_

She could be beautiful in anything, wearing anything, sad, happy, angry, she just… _was_. If someone said it to her, Sakura wouldn't believe it. She would just laugh it off as just something nice that people said to her. It couldn't be true to her. What Sakura saw in the mirror was totally different from what people saw in front of them. Mirrors weren't the best place to really see oneself anyway. When she looked in the mirror, she only saw a pale little thing with ridiculous hair and eerie green orbs for eyes, growing thinner and thinner by the day. The only time she deemed herself acceptable was when she layered black lines, thick and thin, around her eyes and drowned her lips in gloss and paint. Whatever she wore had to be simple, not too revealing, though. Sakura didn't have much to show in the first place. Besides, most nights, she wasn't looking to attract anyone.

Sakura took one more shot before stepping out onto the dance floor.

If she truly felt that way, then maybe she wouldn't be out so much. Maybe, if Sakura was really honest with herself, the intent was there. Even if all she wore were jeans and tanks, or tees and shorts, she still wanted to be seen. And she never failed her self-assigned, mindless mission. Even if every night ended with a blur, she was always with someone. There wasn't a single night that she spent alone in her own bed, where reality and her own mind could truly wreak havoc on her.

Her mind was spinning. Someone was talking to her—a younger girl, probably by a couple of years, whose shy smile told Sakura everything she needed to know. Behind her, a man asked Sakura a question she'd heard one too many times from countless others.

"Is your hair naturally like that?"

Sakura never knew anyone's names, and she banished faces from her memory.

Still, time moved slowly, something that she owed to whatever drink she had in hand. Seconds would drag by, and she could really feel every euphoric moment passing her by. Every conversation she sparked seemed far longer than it was, and every movement she made felt even more wonderful than it would sober.

The younger girl had followed her around, and Sakura was saying something about being the Hokage's apprentice. It was fun and all, there was a lot of work involved (even if, in the past few weeks, Sakura hadn't really been to work at all), and she had killed a few people here and there.

Another drink.

The younger girl gawked, wide-eyed, at Sakura as she slipped in between two men, rolling her hips around just enough to get their simultaneous attention. One pressed to her back and one on her front, Sakura beckoned the girl to join them.

**_Staying in my play pretend_**

_Screaming. Her own screaming. It echoed in the emptiness. Blood covered her entire body. _

"_Somebody help!" _

One more drink. Someone was kissing her neck. Her lips crashed into someone elses, and she felt something like lipstick being smeared all around her lips.

_They were gone. After all that fighting, after every blow, every hit, they were all gone. _

_First, it was Kakashi. Then, it was Sasuke. _

_Then Naruto._

**_Where the fun ain't got no end_**

"Yes." Sakura stretched out her arm, letting the girl push the needle into her arm. There were first times for everything, she supposed. The music seemed duller, but all the lights and all the people looked crystal clear. Everything seemed so unreal. Sakura smiled, closing her eyes.

Gray eyes stared back at her, sadness evident in his expression.

Sakura opened her eyes, shaking her head. No. She wasn't going to think about them, especially not him. It wasn't right. It made her feel horrid, like she was doing something wrong. Reality was standing right outside the door she had kept closed since it all fell apart, and Sakura wasn't about to let it back in. That was asking for trouble, that was asking for tears and pain that no one else could understand. She couldn't let it happen, not now, not ever.

It all faded away into sweet nothingness.

**_Oh_**

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

Sakura could only see a shadow of a man. Her body was entirely numb, but she knew she was being carried. Funny, he had yet to carry her. She let out a small laugh.

"You're funny," she mumbled to no one.

"Sakura, hold on, okay…?"

The voice faded away.

_**Can't go home alone again.**_

_Sakura smiled at her team as they sat around the table. The café was empty save for Team 7. Sasuke had his usual tea, and Kakashi leaned back in his seat, a copy of the Jiraiya's final masterpiece in his hand. Naruto beamed at her as he slurped his soup. This was so perfect—too perfect. Sasuke was supposed to be gone, somewhere fighting his demons and training. Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi were chasing after him. This couldn't have been reality. But it was. Just a little over a month ago, they were all together, in a booth, just like this. It was a beautiful day, perfect for training or just being outside, not to be spent alone or working long shifts at the hospital. _

_But even though this was just a dream, Sakura allowed herself to smile. Why hadn't she taken pictures of this? _

"_Did you guys think this was going to be your last time seeing me ever again?" Sakura asked, the smile still on her face. Even though her heart sank, even though her stomach turned, Sakura wasn't too afraid of the answer._

_Sasuke answered first. "Did you ever really think I was coming back?" No. Sakura hadn't been expecting that. Sasuke was gone for years, and honestly, everyone believed that the only way he would return was if he was killed or if he was brought back to answer for his treason. As if knowing her answer (this was all in her head, after all), Sasuke continued, "I didn't think I was either. But here I was." _

"_It probably didn't feel all that 'right' to you, did it? Especially not after everything you'd been through." _

"_Yeah… it was… surreal."_

_**Need someone to numb the pain.**  
><em>

"What happened?!" Another familiar voice, panicked.

"She… took something."

"What did she take?!"

"I-I don't know. I couldn't really tell."

Hands were on her stomach. She was hyper sensitive to everything all of a sudden. The lights were too bright. She had been placed on a very cold bed, and the sound of squeaky wheels made her want to scream. Sakura wanted to say something; that she was fine, that she just wanted to go back wherever she was and be left alone.

**_I fall back down._**

_Naruto spoke next. _

"_You know, I don't think I really thought about what could go wrong with our mission. I mean, we were finally together, right? After so long being apart. There were so many times that I would look back on us as kids, and remember that we _could_ function as a team, as a whole entity, and that when we all did, it was like… I dunno. Magic, I guess," Naruto scratched the back of his head. "So, the morning before our mission, I thought, hey. Nothing could go wrong." _

_That was surprisingly deep, coming from him. Sakura ruffled the blonde's hair, feeling how soft it was. _

"_I… I thought the same thing, you know," Sakura admitted, her eyes filling with tears. "I was so happy that we were all back together. That you were sitting across from Sasuke, throwing insults at each other just like the old days. That Kakashi was sitting with us, reading one of his stupid books." Kakashi must have frowned under his mask. "I didn't think any of it would go wrong." _

_With a small sob, Sakura pulled the boy next to her into a tight hug, burying her face into his shoulder as per protocol. Except this time, she couldn't smell him. _

"_I can't believe you're all gone."_

**_You're gone and I gotta stay_**

**_High_**

Sakura's whole body arched up. This all seemed like it was cut from one of those overly-dramatic hospital dramas, except Shikamaru was actually scared.

"She's going into cardiac arrest!" Shizune and Tsunade panicked, trying to steady their patient, their friend, their colleague. The oldest woman's hands were no longer steady.

"What?!" She was so young. This was not her time. "Get her something, anything!" The other medics ran around like headless chickens. It was chaos.

"Whatever's in her system, she's not reacting to it well. But I need to know what it is before I give her anything!"

_**To keep you off my mind**_

_Kakashi put down his book on the table. She couldn't really tell what his expression was. Looking at the only part of his face—his one, lazy gray eye—that was showing didn't tell anyone much of what he felt. "I don't really know what else to say. The other two already said what I was thinking." _

_Sakura let out a sniffle and a short laugh. "Well, you could start by telling us a story." _

_Kakashi stared at her for a while, totally silent. "Maybe next time." _

_Sakura nodded. _

"_Except, there won't be a next time, will there?" It pained Sakura to hear this come out of her own mouth. "There really won't be." _

_Kakashi moved a hand over hers. _

"_Even so, there's still more time for you." Sakura looked down at their touching hands. "You don't have to do this, you know." _

"_Everyone's worried about you, Sakura," Naruto said with a small, concerned frown. "You know that. They want to help you, you know." That wasn't true, was it? No one cared. Everyone who did was gone. "You haven't even told anyone what happened." _

_They would have found out eventually, on the autopsy table anyway. What did it matter if she told anyone? Sakura moved her hand away. _

"_I just… don't know what else to do." _

_**You're gone**_

_**And I**_

_**Gotta stay high**_

_**All the time.**_

When she opened her eyes, she was alone, staring up at a darkened ceiling.

And she cried.

For the first time in over a month, she bawled.

**To keep you off my mind**

**To forget I'm missing you. **

She kissed him.

"Thanks. For saving me."

Shikamaru looked up at her, a surprised look in his eyes. Sakura turned her heel and walked out of the door. He was breathless, his mind blank. A feeling he hadn't felt in a while.

**Spend my days locked in a haze**

**Trying to forget you, babe.**

In twenty four hours, she was back at it again. And when she closed her eyes, she could see their faces.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Song:<strong>__ Stay High (Habits remix), Tove Lo ft. Hippie Sabotage_


End file.
